DEAR NATALIE: It was my 30th birthday and my boyfriend forgot all about it. I was hoping for a surprise party with my friends, or at the very least a dinner that he organized, but instead? I got nothing. Not even a card. I thought for sure he might propose, as we’ve been together for three years and have talked about it. I feel very upset and embarrassed. When my friends ask me what he got me, I literally don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to bring it up to him, either. I always make a big deal out of his birthday and he loves that. Why would he just forget about me? I feel so angry. What should I do? – BIRTHDAY BLUES
DEAR BIRTHDAY BLUES: I would feel exactly how you do in this situation. It’s embarrassing to feel as though you’ve been forgotten – especially by someone you love. It’s also not a great way to start your new year, either, and I don’t blame you for being upset. I would just let it out. Tell him that you are hurt because he completely dropped the birthday ball. Let him know that birthdays are important to you. (I know not everyone loves to celebrate their birthday, but you clearly do, so make that known to him). I would take this as a red flag. If he can’t make time to do something special for you once a year on your birthday, then will he ever be romantic or thoughtful? Give him the opportunity to explain himself, but definitely tuck this away for now and see if things improve. If not, you have to decide if you want to marry someone that can’t even get you a card to commemorate the day you were born…especially when he likes and expects to be fawned all over on his special day. Talk about self-centered.
DEAR NATALIE: My mother recently died and she had quite a collection of jewelry. I have one sister and I assumed we would go through my mother’s things together and decide who wanted what. My mom specifically left a few pieces to me and to my sister that she knew we wanted. The rest was up to our discretion. Well, unbeknownst to me, my sister took everything and sold it all. All of it. Even the pieces that were promised to me. She didn’t disclose what amount of money she made, but said she thought mom would rather us use the money for our future than to just keep old, dated jewelry. For our future? How do you just sell what was half mine without me knowing? It has put a huge wedge between us. My mother’s collection was worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. I have no idea what possessed my sister to do this. I am so upset with her and she hasn’t apologized to me for what happened. I am not sure how to move forward here. My husband said to just let it go. How do I do that? Why should I do that? What should I do? I love my sister, but I can’t forgive this so easily. – JEWEL THIEF
DEAR JEWEL THIEF: First, I don’t know what the legal issues are in this situation, but I would suggest that you talk to an attorney who works in this area. Second, you need to have a conversation with your sister. Grief can be a wild ride for people – especially if they were in denial about death – and she clearly made some impulsive and irreversible decisions without you. I don’t like the fact that she just sold what was promised to you – that feels spiteful or cruel. Outside of getting the law involved, you need to confront her about this – and you don’t have to be conciliatory. You are both grieving and yet you didn’t do something so foolish. This could create permanent damage in your relationship because she broke your trust. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but please recognize that she is at fault here and needs to be held accountable for her actions. Grieving or not – that doesn't give you the right to steal. Good luck mending this fence.
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