DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend had a bad accident on his ATV last fall. He crashed it into a tree when he lost control. He is lucky he wasn’t hurt worse than he was. As it is, he had several broken ribs, a broken wrist, and worst of all, a small fracture in his spine, which meant he had to wear a back brace for months, not to mention the ATV was totaled.
Now, he is looking to replace his vehicle, and get back to running it with his friends. I am so mad at him, I did not talk to him for almost a week when he told me what he’s doing.
I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose him to his stupid dangerous hobby. What can I say short of it’s the ATV or me to get him to stop risking his life for nothing but a cheap thrill? --- WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV
DEAR WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV: I’m not a fan of ultimatums for at least two reasons. First, it forces someone into a corner, and that can lead to less rational decisions being made out of anger over being pushed. The other main problem is that you have to be prepared to follow through with your threat. If you aren’t truly ready to end the relationship over this, then don’t threaten to do so.
You’ve made it clear you strongly object to his hobby because of how dangerous it’s already been proven to be. If he starts up with it again, the choice to tolerate it or not falls to you. It’s a tough spot to be in, but if the relationship is going to move forward, you need to find some common ground on this and plenty of other subjects.