DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and her mother have had a very clearly defined relationship. Simply put, Gran rules over Mom. Always has.
I’ve never liked it, but now that I’m planning my wedding, it bugs me more and more to see Gran just plowing over my mom, and Mom taking it.
Personally, I have no problems pushing back at Gran, but I can see that that makes Mom nervous, because she knows how nuts her mother can be when she doesn’t get her way.
How do I get my mom to grow a pair and stop being her mother’s doormat? --- MOM’S A MOUSE
DEAR MOM’S A MOUSE: You can try encouraging your mother to be more assertive in her dealings with your grandmother, but clearly, this is a lifetime habit that isn’t going to be reversed overnight.
One tactic that may help is when you’re working on the wedding plans with both women, you could clearly defer to your mother in front of your grandmother, and then follow through with supporting, or at least openly considering, your mother’s suggestions.
This way, you’re setting a tone of inclusion that should also signal to your grandmother that ultimately, you intend to be in charge of your big day, and you consider your mom to be a key and valuable part of the planning process.