DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I really admire my fiancée, “T.” She started her own business doing custom etching and engraving.

She made a serious investment to get the machines and other supplies for the set-up, and lately things have been going well enough that she has covered the cost of those things, and she is starting to pull in some profit. She has started talking about being able to quit her fulltime job by the end of the year, if the pace of orders keeps up.

Her family, friends, and I are all really excited for her, but everyone has the same complaint — she is ALWAYS working and we never get to see her for more than a quick hour now and then. It’s rough on her family, even rougher on our relationship, and roughest of all on T.

We all get that she needs to devote herself to her business, but she will sometimes work until just a couple hours before she has to get to her regular job, so she is exhausted all the time.

Also when we were supposed to go on vacation this summer with her family to the place they rent on the beach every year, she got the time off from her regular job, but wouldn’t take the time away from the business because she had just gotten in back-to-back big orders for first a wedding and then a company that was having a massive banquet.

When we talk about T.’s schedule, her parents and I agree that at this rate, even if she quits her regular job, she will just put all those hours into the business and become a complete workaholic.

We all want to see her succeed, but how do we convince her there is more to life than building her business? --- MORE TO LIFE THAN WORK

DEAR MORE TO LIFE THAN WORK: Opening your own business is a major commitment, on many levels, especially if you want to succeed. For her sake, though, I agree T needs to find space for the other things in life beyond work.

If she’s open to it, perhaps you could suggest she hire someone to help her — even on a very parttime basis — with marketing, customer service, bookkeeping, accounts payable and receivable, and other areas T.’s probably squeezing in around the more creative aspects of her start-up.

Taking those functions off her plate might not just relieve some of the stress of juggling what sounds like two fulltime jobs, but likewise provide the added bonus of freeing T. up to reconnect with the world outside of work. And once she does, it may be easier for her to find a little better life-work balance in general.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was 18 I found out my father was having an affair with a woman we all knew from his office softball team.

At the time my parents talked about whether or not they would stay together, and they decided to for the usual reason — for the kids. When it all went down my younger sister was 14 and our younger brothers were 12 and 8. I was the only one who knew what was going on, but I am fairly certain my sister had some idea of the truth.

My parents’ decision may not have been a bad one. The woman ended up moving with her husband to a new job and town, and my parents seemed to get it all back together after a lot of hard work and counseling.

My mother told me last week that the woman was back in town, divorced, and looking almost as good as she did 10 years ago. Mom said my father knew about it before she did, and that it hurt her when he decided not to tell her.

I find it worries me too that my father didn’t bother to tell his own wife when his ex-mistress was back in the area. I asked him about it, and he said he wanted to not get my mother upset by being the one to tell her that woman is back, but he realizes now it was probably a mistake. I couldn’t agree more, but now that we’ve talked openly about it, do you see any reason I can’t ask Dad if he still has any interest in this woman? If he says no, I can tell my mother that she has nothing to worry about. If he says yes, then at least this time everyone will know there is a big something to worry about. --- THE OTHER WOMAN’S BACK IN TOWN

DEAR THE OTHER WOMAN’S BACK IN TOWN: It sounds like your parents were able to work through the effects of your father’s extra-marital relationship without your input back when it happened.

While your concern is clearly the result of your caring for your mom, I see little to no value in your taking an active role in how she and your dad tackle the reappearance of “the other woman” now she’s returned to your town.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I recently learned that my fiancé’s previous marriage was very happy, and they only got divorced because their teenage daughter suggested it.

She apparently wanted to experience a broken home, and thought it could help all three of them to grow.

I have talked individually with my fiancé, his ex-wife, and their daughter, and all three say the same thing: the marriage was wonderful, and the daughter suggested divorce as a way to help them grow and learn.

This daughter has always been wonderful to me, and is supposed to be a bridesmaid in our wedding.

Now I’m wondering whether I should step aside and let my fiancé and his ex possibly reunite. His ex told me that she’s happy being single, but I have to wonder.

The other obvious question is, if we get married, what happens if my stepdaughter then decides we should get divorced, like she did with her parents?

Would I be crazy to go ahead and marry him?

I know this sounds crazy, but I actually find it encouraging that his previous marriage was so good, and I kind of admire them for taking such a drastic step just for the experience and growth. --- DO I OR DON’T I?

DEAR DO I OR DON’T I?: There are plenty of healthy, productive ways to find individual growth within a marriage and as a family other than by breaking either or both of them apart.

Perhaps your fiancé’s first marriage wasn’t all you’ve been led to believe it was. If that’s the case, your fiancé and his ex-wife are justified in moving on.

On the other hand, if their marriage was, as claimed, a “wonderful” one, I find their daughter’s deciding they should divorce merely as a growth opportunity selfish, strange, and disturbing. Ditto for their agreeing to act on her request. Furthermore, if they had wanted to reunite, would that’ve been theirs or their daughter’s decision to make?

Personally, this situation is not one I’d be at all comfortable stepping deeper into. However, if you’re good with your fiancés and his daughter’s commitment to growth at any cost, then this is the dynamic for you.

Whatever you decide, you might want to be prepared for your fiancé’s daughter to continue calling the shots.

That you’re already asking yourself if you’re okay with potentially being just another transient phase in both your fiancé’s and his daughter’s quests for enlightenment should tell you something.