DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend groped my privates several years ago at a party. It was traumatizing. I have never forgotten how abused and dirty it made me feel. I told my husband about it when we got home, but he'd had a lot to drink and told me I must have been imagining things.
As time went by, I would occasionally bring it up, especially when we would see this person. When the #metoo movement came into being, it brought out all those memories, and I asked my husband to confront the man, who remains his best friend. He refuses.
I am deeply hurt that he still thinks I'm imagining things and doesn't have my back. What should I do? Should I drop it or give him an ultimatum -- either confront the friend or I leave? -- TORN IN TEXAS
DEAR TORN: Your husband doesn't think you are imagining things. For him to make that accusation is called "gaslighting." He prefers to avoid a confrontation with his best friend rather than defend you because the friendship is more important to him than your feelings. From where I sit, that doesn't make your husband much of a man. Men who love their wives do not sit by silently when they have been disrespected.
You might benefit from counseling to get beyond this. Has it occurred to you that you should speak up and demand an apology from the "friend"? If you were being serious when you stated that if your husband won't confront this person, you will leave him, allow me to offer a word of caution: Do NOT issue an ultimatum upon which you are not prepared to follow through.