DEAR ABBY: I'm scheduled to go on a vacation with my mother and sister. It seemed like a fun idea during the planning, but as the date approaches, I realize it might not be possible for my sister and me to get along and remain civil during the trip.

We are in our mid-to-late 20s now, and I was hoping we had matured enough to handle our differences calmly. Recent events, however, have proven otherwise. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that she's triggered by anything I say or do, and it's impossible to talk to her.

We've never had much in common, and our personalities are like oil and water. I'm thinking about backing out, even though I was looking forward to visiting New England and seeing my favorite singer in concert. I don't usually take time off from work, and I don't want to risk wasting vacation days possibly being miserable walking on eggshells. I know arguing with her will lead to nothing productive. How can I handle the situation differently? -- FINISHED SISTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR SISTER: You stated that you were hoping that you and your sister had matured enough to manage a vacation together in spite of your differences. Rather than back out at the last minute, why not choose to be the more mature sister and simply not argue with her? That way you can see New England and enjoy your favorite singer in concert. You do not have to spend every spare moment with her; you are not joined at the hip.

If the trip proves to be unpleasant, agree to join your mother and sister under only limited circumstances -- perhaps at breakfast or a dinner -- in order to keep peace in the family.

DEAR ABBY: I'll soon be 40, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I "grow up." I don't know what I'm interested in doing or what my skills are. It's not for lack of trying. I've taken aptitude tests, IQ tests and personality tests, and I'm still no closer to any answers. I do not know how to choose a job and just go for it. This may be why I never graduated from college -- I kept switching majors.

I live with a family member and owe $25,000 in college loans. I can't afford a car and the financial stress is killing me, not to mention the emotional and mental stress and low self-esteem. I need help. I should have had all this figured out ages ago. Any good, solid advice would be appreciated. -- LOST IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOST: Go online to see if you qualify to have any part of your student loan debt forgiven. It may be possible if you have been making payments for many years. As to your inability to choose a career, at this point, finding any job for which you are qualified that will pay enough to put food on the table and a roof over your head would be appropriate.

If there's low-cost psychological counseling from your county's department of mental health services or a local college or university, it could be helpful in getting you unblocked and to lift your self-esteem, so it couldn't hurt to reach out for that, too. Inertia is your enemy.

DEAR ABBY: My sister likes a childhood friend of ours and is hiding the fact that they are together, even though everyone in the family already knows they are living together. She clearly doesn't want me to know, and always finds a way to not be truthful with me.

This guy and I were friends, but whatever my sister said to him made him cut our friendship off. I'm hurt that she needs to lie to me about their relationship, because it doesn't matter to me. I'm happy she has found someone who makes her happy. She even has our mom covering for her. Should I say something, or just let it be? -- HURTFUL AND SAD SISTER

DEAR HURTFUL: Did you and your sister's boyfriend ever have a romantic relationship? If the answer is yes, it may explain your sister's strange behavior and your mother's willingness to cover for her. Because the cat is out of the bag and "everyone" knows the truth, I see no reason why you shouldn't talk to your sister and clear the air. When you do, wish them well.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson, who is 24, has Asperger's syndrome. He is high functioning, very intelligent and has a great work ethic. He still lives at home, and I have noticed that he "must" touch his mother every day. There are times he stands behind her and strokes her hair and rubs her neck and shoulders. I think it's odd and, to be honest, it kind of bothers me. It's not a jealousy thing, it just strikes me as creepy.

I don't think a 24-year-old should be caressing his mother that way. She doesn't think it's wrong, and when I mentioned it to her, she became offended. I know I may be wrong, and I try to understand that it may be part of his Asperger's. Am I off base? Help me understand. -- CREEPED OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR CREEPED OUT: What you are describing isn't scandalous. It could simply be gestures of affection. Because your wife isn't bothered by it, I suggest you calm down and stop reading more into it than there may be.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful, generous man for 33 years. Everything is great except for one thing. I have COPD. He's sympathetic, but it goes only so far. An example: Today I was having a terrible coughing spell. I was in the bedroom. He was in the den, one room away. The spell lasted at least 30 minutes. Not once did he come in to check on me, ask if I needed anything, etc. It was as if we weren't in the same house. After about half an hour, he did come in and said: "What do you wanna do this afternoon?" It really irked me. Am I making too much of this? -- IRKED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR IRKED: Your husband may be "wonderful," but he also appears to be a tad insensitive. He may have thought that as long as you were coughing, you were still breathing and didn't need his help. Because his failure to grasp the seriousness of your predicament irked you, take the precaution of telling him -- before your next coughing fit -- how you would like him to respond, and why.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for 34 years. During most of them, I was unfaithful. I never felt like I was truly married because my husband never gave me the time of day, but I liked my marital status because, I guess, we were companions. As soon as my kids married and the nest was empty, I left. I didn't feel I needed to stay and be unhappy, so I moved out. Why I didn't divorce him during those eight years is beyond me.

We are now back together, and I don't know why. We're not physically attracted to each other, and he is manipulative, selfish and sarcastic. Why, Abby, am I afraid to move on from this? I hate it when we're alone at home. I'd rather spend the day with my grandchildren. I didn't miss him at all when I was away, but he called me often and I felt obligated and guilty. What should I do? -- SEARCHING FOR HAPPY IN ARIZONA

DEAR SEARCHING: If you really want to find "happy," the place to start would be in the office of a licensed psychotherapist. Once you figure out why you were willing to settle for marriage to a manipulative, selfish, sarcastic man to whom you are not attracted, you will figure out what your next move should be. From where I sit, it should be in the direction of the office of a lawyer who can help you untangle yourself from your unhealthy marriage once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a department within law enforcement that has been on a hiring spree for the past few months due to retirements. One of our new hires is an obnoxious know-it-all. When we are talking policy, she constantly corrects us, usually incorrectly. When we try to explain to her about her being wrong, she twists whatever we're talking about to make her sound right, or says we're being rude.

It's not just policy stuff. Everyday conversation can be frustrating. I made a comment about a geographical location, and she proceeded to argue about it. She then Googled it and realized I was, in fact, correct. I don't want to argue with someone daily who thinks she's always right. I've tried to let it go or say, "Yes, OK, you're right," but it is hard sometimes. My boss is no help. He doesn't deal with her daily, so he doesn't see it and says we all "just need to get along." How do I professionally approach this situation? -- OVER HER IN OREGON

DEAR OVER HER: If this new hire's personality problem continues, it could poison the entire department. Ask your co-workers if they have experienced what you have with the woman and, if they have, how they feel about it. If they agree that her need to be right even when she's wrong presents a problem, approach your boss as a group to discuss it. That way, it will be chalked up as a personnel problem rather than a personal one.

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. During this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year. -- LOVE, ABBY