DEAR ABBY: I have lived in my apartment for nine years. When I moved in, I met a woman who moved in about the same time. We became friendly, and I enjoyed talking to her at the pool and mailbox -- until I got to know her better. She has alienated all the other neighbors and kids in the complex with her attitude. She butts into conversations and asks personal questions, despite claiming to "mind her business and keep to herself." Abby, I was raised to be forgiving and understanding. I have reached out to her and taken her to the store and medical appointments, but then she freaks out, swears and demands that I speed up, take her to thrift stores, etc. She asks why I don't take the freeway instead of surface streets with traffic lights.

I finally quit taking her places, but now she has started walking into my apartment, sitting down and asking me questions. She also gets mad when she sees I went to the store without her. How do I politely, but firmly, tell her to leave me alone and I no longer want to have anything to do with her? She makes me anxious and drives me crazy. I understand she's lonely, but she's a miserable person to be around. -- DOORMAT GUY OUT WEST

DEAR DOORMAT GUY: If you know someone will walk into your apartment uninvited, for heaven's sake, lock your door! If this neighbor rings the bell or knocks, tell her you are busy and cannot entertain her and shut the door. If she corners you and rants about you having gone to the store without her, tell her in plain English why you stopped doing it. That said, I think it would be more hurtful than helpful to point out the other reasons she has made herself a social pariah.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 30 years. Since my wife recently retired, her crossword hobby has become an obsession. She does them all day, whether we are watching TV, talking or eating meals. When we go out, she carries crossword puzzles to do or does them on her phone. When our kids visit, she ignores them and does crossword puzzles. During the last holiday celebrations, she sat staring at her phone crosswords instead of participating in family interactions. If she were my child, I would take away her phone. But she's an adult and my wife, so I can't do that. Before she retired, she did crossword puzzles two or three times a week, and we had fun doing them together. Now I am completely ignored. I have talked to her about my feelings. It didn't help, so I'm hoping to get some good advice from you. -- PUZZLED HUSBAND

DEAR PUZZLED: Talk to your wife again. Tell her you no longer are willing to be ignored while she indulges in her obsession with crossword puzzles. What she's doing is unfair to you and the family. Suggest the two of you consult a licensed marriage and family therapist. If she refuses, schedule some sessions for yourself. From what you have described, your marriage is in trouble, and your wife is using her crossword puzzles to escape from the real world.

DEAR ABBY: I'm scheduled to go on a vacation with my mother and sister. It seemed like a fun idea during the planning, but as the date approaches, I realize it might not be possible for my sister and me to get along and remain civil during the trip.

We are in our mid-to-late 20s now, and I was hoping we had matured enough to handle our differences calmly. Recent events, however, have proven otherwise. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that she's triggered by anything I say or do, and it's impossible to talk to her.

We've never had much in common, and our personalities are like oil and water. I'm thinking about backing out, even though I was looking forward to visiting New England and seeing my favorite singer in concert. I don't usually take time off from work, and I don't want to risk wasting vacation days possibly being miserable walking on eggshells. I know arguing with her will lead to nothing productive. How can I handle the situation differently? -- FINISHED SISTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR SISTER: You stated that you were hoping that you and your sister had matured enough to manage a vacation together in spite of your differences. Rather than back out at the last minute, why not choose to be the more mature sister and simply not argue with her? That way you can see New England and enjoy your favorite singer in concert. You do not have to spend every spare moment with her; you are not joined at the hip.

If the trip proves to be unpleasant, agree to join your mother and sister under only limited circumstances -- perhaps at breakfast or a dinner -- in order to keep peace in the family.

DEAR ABBY: I'll soon be 40, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I "grow up." I don't know what I'm interested in doing or what my skills are. It's not for lack of trying. I've taken aptitude tests, IQ tests and personality tests, and I'm still no closer to any answers. I do not know how to choose a job and just go for it. This may be why I never graduated from college -- I kept switching majors.

I live with a family member and owe $25,000 in college loans. I can't afford a car and the financial stress is killing me, not to mention the emotional and mental stress and low self-esteem. I need help. I should have had all this figured out ages ago. Any good, solid advice would be appreciated. -- LOST IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOST: Go online to see if you qualify to have any part of your student loan debt forgiven. It may be possible if you have been making payments for many years. As to your inability to choose a career, at this point, finding any job for which you are qualified that will pay enough to put food on the table and a roof over your head would be appropriate.

If there's low-cost psychological counseling from your county's department of mental health services or a local college or university, it could be helpful in getting you unblocked and to lift your self-esteem, so it couldn't hurt to reach out for that, too. Inertia is your enemy.

DEAR ABBY: My sister likes a childhood friend of ours and is hiding the fact that they are together, even though everyone in the family already knows they are living together. She clearly doesn't want me to know, and always finds a way to not be truthful with me.

This guy and I were friends, but whatever my sister said to him made him cut our friendship off. I'm hurt that she needs to lie to me about their relationship, because it doesn't matter to me. I'm happy she has found someone who makes her happy. She even has our mom covering for her. Should I say something, or just let it be? -- HURTFUL AND SAD SISTER

DEAR HURTFUL: Did you and your sister's boyfriend ever have a romantic relationship? If the answer is yes, it may explain your sister's strange behavior and your mother's willingness to cover for her. Because the cat is out of the bag and "everyone" knows the truth, I see no reason why you shouldn't talk to your sister and clear the air. When you do, wish them well.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson, who is 24, has Asperger's syndrome. He is high functioning, very intelligent and has a great work ethic. He still lives at home, and I have noticed that he "must" touch his mother every day. There are times he stands behind her and strokes her hair and rubs her neck and shoulders. I think it's odd and, to be honest, it kind of bothers me. It's not a jealousy thing, it just strikes me as creepy.

I don't think a 24-year-old should be caressing his mother that way. She doesn't think it's wrong, and when I mentioned it to her, she became offended. I know I may be wrong, and I try to understand that it may be part of his Asperger's. Am I off base? Help me understand. -- CREEPED OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR CREEPED OUT: What you are describing isn't scandalous. It could simply be gestures of affection. Because your wife isn't bothered by it, I suggest you calm down and stop reading more into it than there may be.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful, generous man for 33 years. Everything is great except for one thing. I have COPD. He's sympathetic, but it goes only so far. An example: Today I was having a terrible coughing spell. I was in the bedroom. He was in the den, one room away. The spell lasted at least 30 minutes. Not once did he come in to check on me, ask if I needed anything, etc. It was as if we weren't in the same house. After about half an hour, he did come in and said: "What do you wanna do this afternoon?" It really irked me. Am I making too much of this? -- IRKED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR IRKED: Your husband may be "wonderful," but he also appears to be a tad insensitive. He may have thought that as long as you were coughing, you were still breathing and didn't need his help. Because his failure to grasp the seriousness of your predicament irked you, take the precaution of telling him -- before your next coughing fit -- how you would like him to respond, and why.