DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a heavy smoker. She lives two hours away from us, so when she visits, she likes to stay for one or two nights. My husband and I have a 3-year-old son, and my MIL's smoking is a huge concern for me.

Every two hours, she smokes outside on our back patio. She seems to think this is her right. She closes the sliding glass door behind her, but I can still smell the smoke inside the entire time. And, of course, when she comes back inside, the smell permeates even more.

After her last visit, our home smelled like an ashtray. My eyes burned, and my son was also rubbing his eyes. By the second day, I'm seething each time she ventures out to smoke. I have asked her in the past to go down the street away from our home, but there's always an excuse why she can't. (For example, she doesn't want to risk walking down the incline of the sidewalk for fear of falling.)

I don't think it should be her right to expose my child (or us) to her harmful addiction. I need advice on how to make clear that if she intends to visit our home and son in the future, smoking will not be permitted anywhere. My husband thinks we should just tolerate it while she's here. -- FUMING IN THE WEST

DEAR FUMING: As much as I agree that smoking is unhealthy and a social turnoff, your husband is right. His mother is severely addicted to smoking if she can't go more than two hours without a "fix." She is cooperating to the extent she can with your house rules, so if you want a relationship with her (if only so your child has a chance to know his grandmother), I suggest you lighten up.

DEAR ABBY: I met a man at the grocery store and I don't know if he is The One. He seems to keep trying, but at times he says mean things. He also refuses to buy a new bed. His bed is from his divorce. It is the bed he and his ex-wife shared. I'd prefer he get a new one.

Am I too uncompromising? I have been hurt a lot in the past because I was raised to be "nice" and "nonjudgmental," which really hasn't been helpful in life. I accepted a lot of mistreatment, and many men hurt me. I am not sure if this guy is any different.

Should I wait to date him until he gets new furniture? At this point, we only talk and text on the phone. -- PUT OFF IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUT OFF: Slow down. With your unfortunate romantic history, it's important you get to know men before you invest emotionally in them. Because all you do at this point is text each other and talk on the phone, it is premature to expect this guy to shell out for a new bed. (See if you can talk him into investing in a new mattress and work your way up from there.) It may give you an opportunity to gauge how open he is to compromise, which is important in any lasting romantic relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I am 36, still single and depressed about it. I recently met someone who seemed perfect. He has his own place with laundry facilities, and his job is the kind where he doesn't have a bunch of other people in his life. So when he asked me over, I went.

I thought because our friends and family were similar, his values would be, too. I expected he would want to get to know me and have a conversation, but he went right for kissing. I'm so disappointed. Then he told me he doesn't want a relationship! Why did he do that? Why do they want to kiss but then not have a relationship? Does he prefer to sit home each night alone and enjoy someone only on Saturdays? What IS that?

I want someone all the time in my life, like a married couple has. My parents are still together. They had a few problems along the way, but they are still together. Why are the men I meet not marriage material? -- ON WRONG PATH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WRONG PATH: When searching for a relationship, there's more to take into consideration than how nice the man's apartment is, whether it has laundry facilities and how many co-workers he may have at his job. The man you met may have thought you were interested in a hookup because you went to his place without first getting to know him in a neutral setting, as most women do these days.

Where are you meeting these prospects? You might have better luck if you find activities you enjoy where you can meet people of both sexes with whom you share similar interests. If you do, your chances of meeting quality people will increase.

DEAR ABBY: I'm part of a group chat with two dear old friends. We are attorneys with lengthy and distinguished careers. Like so many, we started the chat during the pandemic, when I was living abroad and unable to get back to the U.S. We have continued the chat as we live in different states now. We use it to check in with each other daily or share frustrations, opinions and thoughts on current events and life's challenges.

Recently, one of the women wrote that during her last physical, her doctor recommended a biopsy. Then she said, "I'm not asking for either of you to share your research, opinions or advice just yet. I just wanted to let you know what is going on, and I'll keep you updated as I learn more."

I was upset when I read that statement, especially since she does not hesitate to offer opinions or research of her own. I feel quite over this 20-year friendship. I just don't think that's the way to talk to friends. Do you agree? -- PERTURBED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERTURBED: I do not agree. "Dear old friends" can say just about anything to each other without them overreacting the way you seem to have. If you felt hurt or slighted by what the woman wrote after learning that she might have a malignancy, pick up the phone and tell her how you felt and why. But to drop someone at this point would be cruel and uncalled for.

DEAR ABBY: I have seriously thought about giving my husband an ultimatum and moving out for a while. Living with him is no longer tolerable. His children support me 100%. He's an alcoholic and can be a bully when he's drinking. His bad behavior comes and goes. I never know who he'll be when he puts the can down. We have been married 30 years. He's better now, but I don't know how long it will last.

I have recently met and fallen in love with someone who says he wants to marry me. I still love my husband, but I'm also in love with this other person. I feel life is too short to stay with someone so unpredictable, and I no longer feel romantically attracted to my husband. I dread hurting him and also the idea of divorce. I'm not sure if I should wait and see how things play out or pull the plug and get it over with. I don't want to make a mistake, but I also do not want to stay in an unhappy relationship for the rest of my life.

The other thing is, my husband has no real income. I support him financially, and I don't want him to be destitute. We are seniors, but I still work, have an IRA and Social Security. He has only a small SS check to live on, which is not enough. His children say that's not my problem, but I feel responsible. Help! -- INDECISIVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR INDECISIVE: Start talking with a family law attorney about what your financial picture will look like if you leave the alcoholic husband you have been supporting, because a judge may have something to say about it. Since you have supported him for so many years, you may have to continue.

If you decide to leave, it is important that you take some time to decompress before entering into another marriage. Do nothing on impulse. You haven't known this new man very long. If the relationship is good, it will get even better with time. If, however, it turns out to be problematic, you will have avoided an emotionally and financially expensive mistake.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter for one of my students who learned about you through the book "Ramona Quimby, Age 8." Here is her question: "How should I share my feelings with my mom in a healthy way? And how can I be a good big sister while being in a wheelchair and not able to move like my other sisters?" -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: To share your feelings with your mother "in a healthy way," choose a time when she is able to give you her full attention and she isn't distracted or distressed. Ask when she has time to talk, and tell her you would like to.

And please, do not think that your wheelchair makes you a bad big sister. One of the most important things a sibling can do is to be kind, loving and a good listener. Offer advice when it is needed. And remember, sometimes time can be the most important gift of all.

TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you who observe -- may your fast be a meaningful one. -- LOVE, ABBY