DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends wore a very revealing dress to my wedding. While I want to be open-minded and understanding of her choices, I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable and distracted throughout the day. I even had a few guests ask me if I was upset with how my friend was dressed. I lied and told them it was fine.

I think what offends me the most is the fact that my friend generally dresses very modestly, but she chose my wedding to wear something flashy and revealing. She didn’t even stick to my theme. How do I talk to her about this? -- Disrespectful Outfit

DEAR DISRESPECTFUL OUTFIT: When you and your friend naturally have a debrief about your wedding, talk about everything. Let her tell you her favorite moments. Enjoy a lively conversation where you go over all of your memories of the day and evening. Decide that you will enjoy the chat you have with her. After all, it is about your big day.

Before the conversation ends, tell her you have a sensitive question to ask her. With her blessing, pose the question about why she chose to wear such a revealing dress at your wedding. Listen for her answer. If she is single, it could be that she thought she might attract a potential partner. That doesn’t make it right, but it could be an explanation. Be sure to tell her that you found her dress inappropriate for the event and extremely distracting. Don’t belabor the point, though. Just make it and move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to work with a woman who has become big in our industry. Years ago, I hired her to work for me, which definitely helped to launch her career. Whenever she talks about those days, she chooses to talk about her relationship with our big boss. Never once does she even acknowledge that she worked for or with me. It is as if I don’t even exist.

I’m not a person with a big ego, but this rubs me the wrong way. Should I say something to her about it? The reason it came up recently is because she is featured in a published story about the company we worked for back in the day, and she basically erased me out of her narrative. I’m hurt by that. Will saying something to her make any difference? -- Erased

DEAR ERASED: You run the risk of getting your feelings hurt more if you confront her with this reality. My vote would be just to know that this is who she is and let it go. Obviously, she has chosen to write you out of her story. That’s not kind or thoughtful, but it doesn’t seem like she’s planning to write you in now.

That said, if you feel you must say something, next time you are in her company, you can ask her why she chooses not to mention the fact that you hired her or that she worked for you during those years. I feel certain that her response will not be satisfying to you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a valued employee who has worked with me for several years. She is hitting her stride, doing very well for my small company. I fear that she is about to leave. I gave her a raise this year, which I thought was an incentive and proof that I value her, but I don’t know if it’s enough. I cannot give her another raise yet. My income is not stable enough. What can I do to let her know how much I value her and want her to continue to grow with me? -- Please Stay

DEAR PLEASE STAY: Talk to her about her plans. Ask her how she likes working for you and if she is happy. Tell her how much you appreciate her and want her to continue to work with you. Ask her if she wants to stay, and find out what her career goals are. Listen carefully to what she says. You may not be able to offer her extra dollars, but figure out if you can offer her other opportunities within your business to help her grow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have way too much stuff, and I seem to keep accumulating more. I don’t know that I am a hoarder, but I am sure that I need to declutter my environment. Whenever I start the process of letting go of stuff, it ends with me putting things in another part of my home rather than purging. I don’t have much money, so I can’t hire a professional organizer. I’m also embarrassed by how messed up my place is. I do have a friend who offered to help, but I fear that she will judge me if she comes into my space. Should I let her help me? What can I do to turn my life around? I wish I could just vacuum it all away -- except I would never be able to do that. What should I do? -- Don’t Want To Be a Hoarder

DEAR DON’T WANT TO BE A HOARDER: Consider it a gift that you have a friend who has offered to help you. Yes, it will be hard to let her in, but it can be worth it, at least as a start. Talk to her in advance and ask her to keep it confidential -- everything she sees and what she does to help you. You need to trust her, so ask her to agree to that. Find out what tools she needs to help you with cleaning -- trash bags, boxes, etc. Get what you can to make the process more efficient. Then, the biggest step is to let her into your space. Do your best to be calm. Allow her to assess the situation. Perhaps you can choose one room to work on at first. Let her make recommendations for what you can let go of. This will be difficult, but you have to say goodbye to things in order to declutter.

In addition to working with your friend for as long as she will help you, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in hoarding. You can gain tools for managing your propensity to collect things.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a new girl at work, and although I have been nothing but friendly and helpful to her, she has this annoying habit of talking to me as if I'm the newbie in the office. Sometimes she even goes to the extent of explaining things that I already know like the back of my hand. I’m very good at my job, and I’ve been promoted several times since I started working here nearly four years ago. I need to have a serious talk with her about why she feels the need to explain things to me. How should I approach her about this? -- You’re the Newbie

DEAR YOU’RE THE NEWBIE: Stop letting this co-worker get under your skin. You know your job. Be confident in that. When she starts with her explanations, you have a few choices of how to react. Choose one depending on the nature of the moment. You can ignore her completely. Do not respond. Do not react. Just continue with what you were doing. You can challenge her a bit. Ask her if she is saying these things out loud to remind herself of how to do this task. (It's true that some people learn better that way.) You can interrupt her and pivot the conversation to another subject. Or you can walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had an uncomfortable experience during a Zoom call with two female work colleagues. While waiting for the rest of our team to join the call, we started discussing our nails and showing our manicures to the camera. One colleague made a thoughtless comment about how both mine and the other colleague's nails were “a little too ghetto” for her. The problem is that the woman who made that comment is white, and the other colleague and I are Black. While I knew she was joking, the joke didn’t go over too well with the other colleague. I have a closer relationship with the woman who made the joke, so I feel the need to fix this situation before the other colleague complains to the higher-ups. How do I fix the situation without getting the white colleague fired? -- Bad Joke

DEAR BAD JOKE: That joke was definitely in poor taste. Speak to the offender and let her know she crossed a line when she made that comment. Explain that calling something “ghetto” is inappropriate and has no place at work. Suggest to her that she apologize to your other colleague, admitting that she made a mistake and did not mean to offend either of you. People make mistakes. It’s how they handle the aftermath that is essential. In this case, the offender has an opportunity to learn and correct her microaggression. But she needs to understand that it was wrong. Otherwise, it will just be lip service.

You can make your recommendation to her, but don’t defend her. She was wrong. She has to make up for her behavior. Don’t make the mistake of getting mixed up in her mess.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)