DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I was driving home with my husband when he got a call from a good friend of his. His friend was venting about being unhappy with the base salary at his new job. My husband then revealed that he should be happy with that salary, and how it is more than I am making now. Though I don't believe that my husband had malicious intent, I was angry that he disclosed my salary without my permission. I told him then and there that he had no right to offer that information to his friend, and his defense was that he would not care if I did the same to him. Am I overreacting? I’m still fairly upset that I didn’t get an apology. -- Private Info

DEAR PRIVATE INFO: Don’t wait for an apology. You could be waiting for a long time. What you can do is establish clear lines of demarcation for what you consider to be private about your life. Think about what else you don’t want your husband to share. Because couples typically talk about everything in detail -- including a lot of intimacies that you would never want shared with others -- it makes sense that you might need to draw the line about certain things. Finances are likely at the top of the list, as are health issues, family challenges ... what else? Make a list and recommend that he do the same. This is something you may want to consider doing from time to time to ensure that you are on the same page.

Also, if you know that your spouse finds it difficult to keep certain information to himself, you may choose to withhold sensitive details as an extra layer of protection. That may seem counterintuitive for a married couple, but you need to know your partner and manage information accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since moving to a new city for work, I’ve had trouble meeting people. A former classmate who lives in the same area asked me out for dinner, and I went. It was clear to me that he was hoping for more than friendship, but I’m not romantically interested in him. Nevertheless, I’m considering spending more time with him to see if he’ll invite me to join his circle of friends. That way I’ll know people other than just him. Would you say this is a good approach, or could it end up backfiring? -- Need Friends

DEAR NEED FRIENDS: Yes, you should continue to spend time with this friend, but you must be honest with him. Tell him you like him as a friend, but nothing more. Ask him if he would consider inviting you to other events where you can meet people. Tell him candidly you have not met people in the area yet and want to expand your network. Find out if he is willing to include you in his circle. By being upfront about how you feel about him, hopefully he will understand and be willing to open up his circle and invite you in. But don’t stop there. Pay attention to your co-workers and neighbors. Notice the people who interest you, and reach out to them to do something social. You have to put forth some effort to make inroads into meeting more people.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been suffering from a bad cold for a couple of weeks now. I still have had to work and go about my life. I had taken several COVID-19 tests -- and every other test that the doctor would give me. All they say is it’s a cold. But I continue to cough, so people look at me like I’m going to kill them when I am out. I often pipe up and say that I don’t have COVID. I stayed home as long as I could, but I have to work. I feel bad that the cough is lingering. How can I make others feel safer when I’m still hacking up a storm? -- Lingering Cough

DEAR LINGERING COUGH: While you are still coughing, you may want to wear a mask. That will help prevent you from sharing your germs with anyone else and will show others that you aren’t feeling well. That is the new sign of precaution, thanks to COVID-19.

While you say you have to continue with your life, you may also want to give yourself some grace and get more rest. Even though a cold is not the flu or COVID or something even worse, it is still real. When our bodies are fighting off germs, the best thing we can do for them is to treat them with TLC. Go to what you must, but stay home as much as possible and allow yourself time to heal fully. When you are out, the mask will help you to send a precautionary message to others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent the summer out of town and have just moved back home. What I am facing here is more than I can handle. I basically abandoned my home, packed up my essentials and left without tidying, organizing or anything. I have been fighting with my husband for the entire year, and my house looks like it. It’s a total mess. I don’t even know where to start. He is of no help, but I need to climb out of this mess. I don’t really want to ask friends to help because it’s embarrassing. How do I go about getting help? -- Under a Pile

DEAR UNDER A PILE: You probably need to get some counseling to deal with the emotional issues that have precipitated the physical ones. While it make shock you, it’s possible you’ve entered a hoarding situation, and believe it or not, hoarding is considered to be a mental condition that often needs mental health therapy to address. Start by finding a therapist who can work with you on the things that are bothering you. You can also research cleaning companies that specialize in hoarding who can come in, assess your needs and create a plan for cleaning out your space. This may be hard for you to do, but if you find experts, they can help you tackle your home and make order where there is none. Take it slowly, but stay the course. This is not easy to do, but with professional help, you should be able to make some headway into your clutter -- both emotionally and physically.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live on the ground floor of an apartment complex. It is in the city, but it is surrounded by a small garden and fence. The other morning, I felt something weird and opened my eyes. Standing outside my window was a random man staring in at me. My bedroom is small. While there was a window between us, he was literally only about 10 feet away from me. I screamed, and he ran off. My sons went out to track him down as I called the police. My sons found him and showed the police where he was. The police talked to him and released him. I asked them to arrest him, but they said they hadn’t caught him doing anything, so they couldn’t. I am so worried about this. It was horrible waking up to him looking in on me. The police don’t seem to be much help. What can I do? -- Peeping Tom

DEAR PEEPING TOM: I’m sorry this happened to you. It is frightening for something like that to occur when you are most vulnerable. Is there a neighborhood watch for your building or community? You can talk to them about community policing. If there isn’t one, maybe you can start a group of people who will patrol your building and look out for each other. You can install a motion-activated video recording system, like Ring, to capture images of anyone who passes your window. Some of these devices also have lights that turn on automatically. That can help deter onlookers. You may want to install a safety grille over your window and invest in blackout curtains to protect your privacy. Also, keep the police informed if this happens again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My immediate family just learned that our mother is the oldest living relative in our extended family where she is from. There is going to be a family reunion that we just learned about. I cannot go. I would need to travel to be there, and there’s not enough lead time. I already have that day and weekend scheduled. I feel bad, but my sister will take my mother. I am going to ask if they will FaceTime with me during the event so that I can see some of it. Do you think that’s too much to ask of my sister, who will be managing everything, including our elderly mom? -- Family Celebration

DEAR FAMILY CELEBRATION: I bet your sister will be happy to include you in the celebration in whatever ways possible. Plan ahead, though, to make it as easeful as possible. Talk to her about your situation so she understands why you cannot attend. Let her know your window of availability. Make it as broad as possible so she has flexibility. Find out the agenda for the event -- if there is one. Then coordinate with her on when it may work best to call in. Ask her if it will help her for you to place the call as she will be doing many things. If so, know that you may have to try a few times before it’s the right time to check in on the festivities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)