DEAR HARRIETTE: I started playing games on my phone during the pandemic, and I realized today that I am totally hooked. That may seem childish, but more importantly, it is expensive. These games lure you in, and the next thing you know, you are spending money to buy more chances to do something. The dollars add up fast. The game is fun, but the bill at the end of the month is outrageous. I probably spent several thousand dollars this summer playing games. How can I wean myself off of this habit? I am not a teenager. I can’t even believe I have been this stupid. It’s nuts, but I love it. How can I stop? -- Addicted

DEAR ADDICTED: You have taken the first step by acknowledging that you have a problem. Now it’s time for your self-discipline to kick in.

Give yourself a reality check. How much money do you earn every month? Do you have a fixed income, or do your earnings vary from month to month? Figure out what your average income is and write it down. Next, make a list of all of your bills each month. Write it down, starting with fixed expenses. Then add incidentals, down to every little thing -- including gaming. When you look at it in black and white, it may become easier for you to recognize where your money is going.

If possible, delete the games that have costs attached to them. Give yourself boundaries around when you can use your phone. Store your phone in another room when you are sleeping. Get therapy if you need further support to stop your addiction. Just know that you can do it. You only have to make up your mind that the games will not run your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I never thought I was a micromanager as a mother, but now I’m not so sure. There are terms like “helicopter mom,” which I hate, but I see that I am way more involved in my son’s life than he would like. He is in college in another state, living on his own. He is making his own decisions, but I can’t help but check in on him to see what he’s doing. College is expensive, and I need to make sure he is doing the work. We cannot afford to have him go to college for longer than four years. How can I ensure that he will stay serious about his studies if I am not checking in on him? -- Striking a Balance

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: If you are certain that you cannot pay beyond four years for your son’s college education, tell him that -- and be firm. Add that you are no longer going to hover over him to make sure he stays the course. Now is the time for him to become responsible. If he does not complete his coursework on time, he will have to pay the consequences, including additional tuition if it comes to that. Make that clear to him, and then step back. He must learn how to be an adult. You cannot do it for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: For most of my life, I have not gotten along with my brother. He always had to be the macho guy and have the last word. I used to think that we would stop communicating entirely when our parents died. In the past year, though, things have changed a lot. When we talk, the conversations are pleasant. No longer am I the only one who calls; he calls me, too. It’s almost like he is another person. I am afraid to trust that the way he is behaving now is real, but he has been kind to me for almost a whole year. Should I believe that he has changed, or should I keep my guard up? I want to have a relationship with my brother, but I’m nervous that he could hurt my feelings again. He used to be really mean to me. -- Time To Forgive

DEAR TIME TO FORGIVE: It seems that your brother is making the effort to have a positive relationship with you. Why not take his behavior at face value and be present? You don’t have to let your guard down completely, but you can live in the moment and experience whatever happens. Who knows why he has decided to show up in your life? Enjoy it. Choose to engage him when he calls, and continue to call him. Holding on to grudges based on what happened in the past will not serve you or him. Deciding to engage with good intentions instead of judgment may continue to yield positive results.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently started a business, and I want to help her, but what she is doing does not interest me that much. She is so excited that she wants to talk about it constantly, for hours on end. I do not have the bandwidth to continue having these conversations for too much longer. How can I let my friend know that I want to be there for her without agreeing to do more than makes me comfortable? It is so hard. Her passion is palpable, but I am not interested in her idea, the products she is developing or anything else. I have my own life to live. I don’t want to shut her down or make her feel like her ideas aren’t important, but I really think she needs to join an organization that specializes in her area of interest so she can meet like-minded people. I cannot be everything for her, but she thinks that because I love her, I should have the capacity to do it all. How can I draw the line? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Tell your friend how much you love her and how proud of her you are for pursuing her dreams. State specific things that you believe are outstanding about her current pursuit, what you have observed and how you believe she is headed in a positive direction. Then plainly tell her that while you support her in theory, her interests are so different from yours that you cannot walk hand in hand with her on this journey. Suggest that she find like-minded people to discuss her ideas with. Encourage her to expand her circle of professional friends who can help her develop her business.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A longtime friend came to visit me and my family this summer. We had a nice visit. As I was driving my friend home at the end of his visit, he commented in a by-the-way fashion on what he observed about my interactions with my wife. She and I have been in a simmering war of words for a long time now, and he clocked it. He didn’t pass judgment. He just said he hoped we could get past it. He said we have been together so long that it would be sad if we couldn’t move beyond what seemed to be petty bickering. That was hard to hear, even though I know it’s true. I am wondering if I should tell my wife. I fear that she may never want to invite him over again because she may feel it was a violation for him to say anything, but he was on the mark with our issues. Do I risk that relationship in order to let my wife know that other people see what’s happening with us? I want to save our marriage, but we haven’t figured out how to deal with our issues at all. -- Power of Observation

DEAR POWER OF OBSERVATION: Consider your friend’s visit a gift. Yes, tell your wife what he observed. Make sure you let her know that he was not trying to judge you two. Instead, it seemed like he genuinely cares about you both as a couple and wants you to be happy. Ask her how she has been feeling about the way you communicate. Tell her your thoughts. Do your best to share your ideas without anger or emotion. Find out if she would be willing to have a referee to help you talk through your problems. If so, find a therapist and begin the important work of mending your relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have very different views about parenting. Our three children are between college and adulthood. My husband believes we should leave them alone and let them live their lives. I am very hands-on. I talk to them almost every day. I don’t meddle in their activities. I just check in and share some little anecdote about our lives. I do not badger them if they don’t check in, but I like being in touch. My husband complains that I am not giving them space to be independent. What do you think? -- Adult Parenting

DEAR ADULT PARENTING: Pay attention to your children. If you stopped reaching out every day, what would happen? Test it out to discover what the natural rhythm of communication becomes when you are not the initiator. Chances are, each of your children would establish their own pace with you that will likely be more engaged than your husband is with them but perhaps less structured than what you do now. Allow your rhythm to set itself over time, and don’t disparage your husband for his way of engaging with them. You are all different people. Striking a balance regarding communication as adults is the next phase of your lives together. Watch and respond accordingly.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)