DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 27 years old, and my parents recently told me that at 60 years old, they are getting a divorce. I am having a hard time with this because they have been married for 30 years, and when I was growing up, they seemed so in love. I never saw this coming, and it feels like the foundation of my family has crumbled. I find myself questioning everything about their relationship and my upbringing. How did I miss the signs? Were they just putting on a facade for the sake of the family?
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I feel betrayed and uncertain about what this means for my own perceptions of love and commitment. I am struggling to cope with the reality of my parents separating at a stage in their lives when I assumed they would be enjoying their golden years together. I'm torn between wanting to understand the reasons behind their decision and respecting their need for privacy. Should I confront them about my feelings and seek answers, or should I try to face this on my own? -- Family Split
DEAR FAMILY SPLIT: Your parents’ divorce affects more than just the two of them. You deserve to be able to talk to them and learn whatever you can about the end of their relationship. They don’t have to tell you all of the details, but you can ask them to give you an understanding of what is happening and why it didn’t work out. It may take time for you to learn this information. Be patient. You will now have to form new relationships with your parents as individuals. Learn what you can about them. Cherish the positive memories, and live your life. Don’t be afraid to love, either. You are not your parents. You will plot your own course.