parenting

Foster 'Gratitude Attitude' to Model Good Behavior at Home

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | November 7th, 2016

Q: My daughter's fifth-grade teacher has students keep a "gratitude" journal. She says it's part of their "social-emotional learning" curriculum. Isn't that more for Sunday school?

A: Not really. There's no one place to express gratitude or learn its power. Being grateful helps kids maintain perspective about what is going right in their lives.

"Writing in a journal is an easy avenue for self-expression for preteens," says Carol Lloyd, the executive editor of GreatSchools.org. "Expressing gratefulness releases oxytocin -- a brain chemical that promotes trust, attachment, generosity, calmness, security and reduces stress."

In addition, "as the holidays arrive, it's a good thing that a teacher might ask students to reflect on what they're thankful for," says Marissa Gehley, a retired California youth counselor. "When we model gratitude, we show kids that we recognize what's good about the people we interact with every day."

A sense of gratitude is a "battery charger. It can help young people focus on positives instead of negativity," says Gehley. "Thanking someone for something can change a child's attitude for the better in an instant."

Professor Adam Grant at the University of Pennsylvania and other researchers have discovered that expressing gratitude can help kids become happier, healthier, less-stressed students who enjoy stronger social relationships.

Lloyd says more and more schools are integrating social-emotional learning, often called "soft skills," into the school day because "research shows that learning how to boost self-awareness, get along with each other, empathize, self-monitor and manage one's temperament can boost academic success. Learning to be grateful is an important aspect of self-awareness."

Lloyd likes the advice of Tim Kasser, the author of "The High Price of Materialism." He encourages parents and educators to foster in kids an "inward richness" instead of a shallow consumerism. One way to do this is to practice being grateful.

Lloyd, drawing on Kasser's work, offers these tips to parents who want to foster a "gratitude attitude":

-- Model values you want your child to hold. "If you spend your time working long hours, shopping a lot, talking about money, you are modeling that materialistic aims in life are important. Your child will imitate those values," says Lloyd.

-- Reduce your child's exposure to materialism. "I like the guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics: No screen time for children younger than 2, and less than two hours per day of screen usage for older kids," notes Lloyd.

-- Critique advertisements with your kids. Research shows that when kids see ads and adults make factual or evaluative comments such as, "Those commercials are intended to sell," or, "That commercial is wrong; the actual toy doesn't work like that," kids' desire for the product declines.

-- Model gratitude in an emotionally genuine way. Let your daughter see you thank her teacher for a lesson she loved or thank the supermarket clerk for noticing a torn package. Thank your daughter for clearing the dishes. Be thankful at dinner or at bedtime.

"It could be in line with a religious belief, such as saying grace, or it could be secular," explains Lloyd.

When you model gratitude, she says, "you help create an emotional habit -- biochemically and neurologically -- that will shape your child's responses in a positive way."

For more tips on fostering gratitude, go to greatschools.org.

(Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

School-Age
parenting

Teaching Kids How to Be Patient Learners

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | October 31st, 2016

Q: My third-grader is an impatient learner. He's smart enough, but if he doesn't get something right away, he gets upset and gives up. How can I help him?

A: Talk to your son about how we learn. A third-grader is old enough for that conversation.

"It's important for kids to realize that learning something new doesn't happen immediately," says Matt Frahm, superintendent of the Naples (N.Y.) Central School District. "It's a process that can be broken down into simple steps. We all go through them, whether learning to kick a goal in soccer, play a new video game or master a recipe."

We also need to make kids aware that learning new things is easier when they've developed key personal traits and attitudes, says Frahm.

"In his best-seller, 'How Children Succeed,' author Paul Tough talks about the hidden power of character," he says. "Research shows that successful learners use their curiosity, grit, persistence and dedication to great advantage."

So apart from trial and error, how do we learn new things?

First, we're introduced to a new idea or concept. Good teachers provide and discuss examples and then ask students to draw on what they already know to provide context. Teachers call this "building on prior knowledge," says Frahm.

For example, third-graders study astronomy and space -- the properties of suns, moons, planets and stars. After introducing the lesson's theme, a teacher will draw out what students think they know already. This might range from notions gained from sci-fi movies to watching a NASA launch online.

"Teachers observe what kids are curious about, what their misconceptions might be, and what knowledge they have to build on," say Frahm.

Once new material is introduced, an important next step is practice. It's common sense that when we practice we get better at something -- whether it's hitting a baseball, coding or multiplication.

"But in today's packed school day, there is often too little time to practice new skills, so parents can help a lot here," says Frahm. "For example, few students nail math facts right away. When parents promote fun math-fact practice with games, apps or even old-fashioned flash cards, kids learn them faster."

The next step is making new learning stick. We do that by using it over and over in different ways so that it is retained and reinforced.

"Families play a key role here, too," says Frahm. While teachers try to give students plenty of chances to apply their learning in class and homework, savvy parents ask kids to use their new skills at home.

For example, Frahm suggests, "Ask your third-grader to figure out how much it will cost if the family orders three pizzas that cost $11; or how much it costs to fill an empty 5-gallon can if gas costs $2.44 a gallon. Giving kids chances to use new learning not only provides practice, it develops confidence. They begin to own it. When they own it, they use it more and lock it in."

Whether you're a parent of a third-grader or a senior, talk about how learning occurs. Help kids develop the character traits that make them successful. They'll be more eager learners as a result.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

School-AgeFamily & Parenting
parenting

Some Suggestions on How to Get Kids to Start Reading

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | October 24th, 2016

Q: My son used to devour book series like "Big Nate" and "Captain Underpants" when he was younger. Now in sixth grade, he never reads for fun anymore. He seems to have lost interest in books. Should I worry?

A: Don't waste effort worrying. But do take a few steps to re-engage him. Here's why: Strong reading skills are essential to success throughout school, says Francie Alexander, one of the nation's top reading experts.

"And students only become strong readers when they read for pleasure regularly," she explains. "Think of it as fun practice. While parents, and even students, are aware of the link between reading for pleasure and academic success, fewer than half of students approaching their teenage years make leisure reading a priority."

Here are five things you can do:

One, help your son find things he wants to read. Research shows that one reason students move away from pleasure reading isn't homework or afterschool schedules. "It's because they say they have trouble finding books they like," says Alexander, the chief academic officer at Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. "Adults underestimate this as an obstacle. When parents play an active role in guiding them to materials that match their developing interests, they see them return to reading for pleasure."

Two, look for a series he can enjoy. "The neat thing about series such as J.K. Rowling's 'Harry Potter' or Rick Riordan's 'Percy Jackson' books is that once a reader is hooked, finishing one book means they can't wait to tackle the next," says Alexander.

Librarians know which authors teens ask for; you can also consult online reviews from such sources as Goodreads, Amazon and Common Sense Media.

Three, don't limit your choices to "young adult" books. Your librarian can suggest high-interest adult books with age-appropriate themes that match your son's interests. Does he like sci-fi? "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams might keep him turning pages.

"Consider nonfiction too, such as biography," suggests Alexander. "A techie teen I know who loves all things Apple enjoyed Walter Isaacson's biography of Steve Jobs. A football fan might love 'The Blind Side' by Michael Lewis."

Four, take a broad view of reading. Think beyond the book. Does your son love skateboarding? Get a subscription to Thrasher. Does he excel in STEM (science, technology, engineering and math)? Send him Popular Science every month.

"And don't worry about the platform," says Alexander. "Whether he's reading print on paper, or on a tablet, laptop or his phone, it's all reading. He's learning new vocabulary and concepts that will provide context for his schoolwork. Audio books are fine, too. Download one to enjoy while you're driving to those away soccer games!"

Five, make your home a place where everyone reads for relaxation. "If the latest issue of People is your guilty pleasure, make sure your son sees you enjoying it," urges Alexander. "More and more families are ditching TV and picking a fun book to read aloud together for a few minutes each night. Contrary to what many parents think, older kids love to be read to, too. A reading-aloud ritual not only models reading for pleasure, it gives families precious quality time."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Family & Parenting

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