DEAR ABBY: Since my divorce, I have started dating again. I was seeing a firefighter until I realized he was married with kids. Yes, I was angry with him for hiding the truth from me from the start. Then I started dating another guy I thought was the one for me. I even had him move in with me.
At the beginning things went well, but now he has started to change. He doesn't pay as much attention to me as he did, and he thinks when I point out something I'm not comfortable with that I am trying to start a fight, which I'm not.
Since COVID started and I got injured and haven't been able to work, his attitude has been very off with me. Unless it's all about him or his job, he doesn't talk to me. My kids don't like him as much as they did, either.
I never lost touch with the firefighter. He is deeply in love with me, and I do still love him. He says when I kick the current man out he would move in and take care of me and treat me the way I should be treated. If the firefighter moves in, would that make me a homewrecker? He has told me he and his wife aren't doing well as a couple. I'm confused. I was very happy with him and also happy with the man who moved in with me -- at first -- but no more. What should I do? -- THINKING TWICE
DEAR THINKING TWICE: Neither of these men is "The One." Because it's apparent you aren't getting what you need from the man who is living with you, tell him, as nicely as you can, you are no longer happy with the arrangement, and then set a date for him to move.
If the firefighter moves in, you WILL appear to be a homewrecker. Expect the fallout to be nasty. He is married and has kids for whom he will have to provide until they are adults. He should not move in until he has at least filed for divorce and some kind of legal settlement is in the works. His moving in will not guarantee that life will be bliss from then on. It is very important you learn how to be on your own before jumping into any relationship without knowing the men better -- and longer -- than you have been doing.