DEAR ABBY: My husband was the love of my life. I lost him to COVID eight months ago. We were together for 20 years. I know without a doubt that my husband loved me, but during our marriage he had several affairs. He was always sorry for his indiscretions and would shower me with gifts and vacations in the aftermath.
I was able to forgive him for all his affairs except the last one. It was with a tramp from our church, and it damn near ended our marriage. In fact, I told him to get out and we were done. He begged me to change my mind and swore this was the last time. I agreed to stay, but things were never the same. We left our church because of my embarrassment about their affair, so we lost our friends.
My problem is, since his passing, I have become very angry all over again. I'm furious at him for this affair and dream about ripping the face off the "Church Lady." How do I let go of this anger so I can grieve the loss of my husband and remember the love and good times we shared instead of this nasty affair? -- MISSING MY MAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR MISSING: I'm glad you wrote, because it's important you give yourself the opportunity to vent about your feelings. A constructive way to do that would be to talk with a licensed therapist or with your spiritual adviser. Did you ever discuss your reason for leaving the church you loved with the pastor there? If you didn't, that might be a place to start.
You also mentioned that in leaving, you left behind valued friendships. It may be time to renew them. And please, stop feeling embarrassed because of your husband's transgression. He was weak and he was human, and the sooner you can accept that, the sooner your rage may lessen.