DEAR ABBY: My brother passed away. He and my sister-in-law had a good marriage. A month after his funeral, my sister-in-law gave her kids their father's clothes, instructed them to go through them, keep what they wanted or sell or donate the rest. It has been barely a year. Now she's redecorating their house -- painting, taking down pictures and buying new furniture.
This bothers me greatly. I'm so hurt that everything is being changed. It's like she's trying to erase him -- all within one year! Should I ask her why everything is being changed and disposed of so soon? And should I feel so hurt about this? -- UNSURE HOW TO FEEL
DEAR UNSURE: Your former sister-in-law appears to be more pragmatic than sentimental, and there is nothing wrong with that. She knew her late husband could no longer use his wardrobe, and saw no reason to keep the items hanging in the closet. That she offered his clothes to her children was appropriate. That she is now making changes to the house is not unusual. People are cautioned not to make "important decisions" for about a year after a spouse passes, and your former SIL has wisely refrained.
If you want to ask her why she's changing things, do so in a non-accusatory way that won't offend her. I suspect that you are feeling hurt because you are still not ready to accept that your brother is gone forever. You might find it helpful to talk about it with someone with expertise in the grieving process.